Capture Your Grief – Day 20 – Forgiveness + Humanity

Today’s Capture Your Grief topic is Forgiveness + Humanity.  Relating this to losing, Faith, first and foremost I had to forgive myself.  Although I know that I didn’t do or not do anything that caused her death, I feel as though I failed her, which I did.

I remember so vividly on the day she was born, holding, her and telling her how sorry I was.  I don’t believe that I will ever feel any differently.  I don’t know how I could.  I suppose I may never forgive myself in a way…always feeling as though I should have known something sooner…done something sooner…

I know that I am human, but I have found it so much easier to forgive others than to forgive myself.  I don’t know why that is, it just is.  Please don’t take this the wrong way.  I do not sit around feeling depressed or anything (anymore), it’s just a small part of me that holds me responsible.  After all, I am Faith’s mother.  It is my job to keep her safe and I failed.  It’s as simple as that.  

Day by day I will probably forgive myself a little more than the day before…however, knowing this, still will never change the fact that my baby girl, Faith Melody is not here with me…